I have walked you through a few of my concerns an understanding of the dilemma we are facing in our society in the Medical world. This is not a scientific study and I am not a professional in the world of science. These are personal observations and my own conclusions, and understandings. How I came across them in everyday life and how I have used them in my own world. They are not to be taken as a total truth as there is ‘always a better way; in that anything that I have written in this post, or posts. It is my hope the given information and personal histories, will be of help to those that are searching for understanding in their way… finding a better way. In that manner, I am honored to be of service.
The early years when Meli arrived in Canada, were the hardest. For most people making a trip to another country would be an adventure, but for Meli. It wasn’t, she left behind everything that was familiar to her childhood. Where people knew her, all her life a culture, that permitted her to be linguistically independent in her Latino Culture. Meli is very sociable, loves meeting other people, to come to Canada, with no understanding of English. Extremely frustrating for Meli, to effect her emotionally, and greatly exaggerate her health conditions to the point of acting out in rages. At first, it wasn’t so bad everything being so new. But that was short lived.
For me, it was hard also. I grew up in Canada but most of my adult life was spent in Costa Rica. I have a saying; I was born in Canada, but I grew up in Costa Rice. As a teen, we think we know a lot and have life worked out but you begin to realize that you really didn’t till after you get married and start your own Family. The obligations and the responsibilities, to that life and could say again, as I did to myself, many times beyond counting. “There’s got to be a better way?”, and that search for answers begins. In our family, and the community where we reside.
I was much like Meli when she came to Canada but with a difference, I had the learning ability as where Meli doesn’t, and quite the opposite, with her collective learning disabilities. Fuel her dysfunctions, in what to her still, is a totally foreign land. Some people find it hard to adapt to a different culture I never found that hard, I adapt very well in anything that I do. I have to forever remind myself of this and come down to her level. She was forever battling me because she wanted to go return to Costa Rica and couldn’t get it into her head that her Father couldn’t look after her and a baby also.
With a Developmental Delayed personage everything is much more intense they tend to duel on one subjects a very long time, making it very difficult to move them forward.
Her Father didn’t help much, showing her with everything that she wanted. The shoe was on the other foot know because I had the upper rains and there is no interference from her Father. I was bound and determined that she would become self-reliant.
One classic example was her eating habits. It was not that she eat greats amounts of food it was more the type of food she liked to eat. Pasta, rice, potatoes, pizza, chine’s Food, meat, there had to be meat on her plate every day if not she could not feel replenished. Sweets……cake, ice-cream, candy, sweet buns, bread. She had a very high-fat carbs diet.
It was very hard to get her to eat Veggies or salads. Fruits were “OK.” Or even to try other food that she thought didn’t look very appetizing. She would not even try them I would tell her she had to eat her Veggies to keep baby safe in her belly, her comeback was “you can’t make me eat what I don’t like!” How do you know you don’t like them if you don’t try them. “Leave me alone you’re not going to make me eat what I don’t want.” Each time I would have to remind her that she needed to eat differently because she could become a diabetic. That was like trying to teach someone that a car could run on water?
I was just learning about type 2 Diabetes and it’s cause and was working and bring up a new baby and trying to get Melissa back to that beautiful child she was. I had to get night work so that I could leave Jess and Meli sleeping and go to work, I was very fortunate to find work in the hotel industry where we had a live in suite and I was the night auditor. I was able to check in with them throughout my shift. I totally believe that we were looked after from above.
The apartment was a 1 bedroom and living kitchen suit.Meli and Jess were in the bedroom and I slept on a hide-abed in the living area. It was very close quarters, it worked for a time until Jess became a tootler. There were many bumps in the road, once Jess became a tootler and I was more confident that she was capable handling her baby, we could move on
I was able to find a two bedroom apartment close to my work. Still working as a night auditor. Back and forth to the doctors checking on Babies development and her borderline diabetes.
It came to the point that we needed help and was referred to the Diabetic Clinic. “I didn’t find the help I needed there.” First, she didn’t like the diet they wanted to put her on. There were other concerns of my own. In the list of beverages, she was allowed to have “ diet soda” and not to drink “pure apple juice and orange juice”. These things set up bells in my head “OK!” not good” How could a medical institute even think that aspartame was better then, Sugar. “If she doesn’t die from sugar she certainly will with aspartame.” We had already cut a lot of sugar out of her diet. “Only because it has the label no sugar added!”.
This Is How Aspartame Causes Obesity
06 Dec 2016 | 50,792 Views
Decades of studies have shown consuming the artificial sweetener aspartame is associated with weight gain, not a loss. Now new research shows how this synthetic substance may promote obesity via a surprising mechanism in your gut.
I’ve always been interested in this holistic remedies. aspartame is high on the list of artificial sweeteners not good for human consumption even poisonous to our system. I stressed my concerns and got shrugged off as not because they had the medical institute behind their work I was there under Doctors referral. This is just one incidence of many and I began to doubt that western Medicine in diabetes and was none conclusive and I needed to look into other alternatives.
There are many programs here in Canada for helping parents with developmentally delayed children but she could not be admitted to these programs because of the language barrier, consequently, I was on my own. It was hard going trying to be her teacher mentor and a mother for Jess. But I was blessed in other areas being a highly spiritual person from a very early age. I think at times the Lord had fun with me and my constant babbling to him in my prayers are like a one on one talk with him continually through my daily life. He was there with me always guiding me and showing me the way. When I was down he built me up.
Coming down to Meli’s level was getting easier for me to do over time, to overcoming her tantrums and as I look back, it quite amazes me how I was able to manage through Meli’s episodes. Because they were fast and furious, you would think that I was killing her, if you were my neighbor “Ya! really!” “ and screaming at me that she never wanted to come to Canada,“You guys made me come to Canada, I never wanted to” meaning her Father and me. She would totally forget that it was her pregnancy, that brought her to this stage. “You don’t love us” meaning, ‘Her and Jess’. My dad is the only one that “loves me” forgetting about Jess at another ongoing scream fest. Not making much sense out of what she was screaming. I knew that these tantrums were to do with the isolation she was feeling. All I could do was let her go through it until she calmed herself down. Then, just go about her daily life as if nothing had happened. Like as the trigger, and a switch, that got turned on and off. ‘Whew’…
In the beginning, these tantrums were constant. I needed something that I could help teach her and would help feed that frustration. By this time my financial situation had improved I was able to get a pretty good reliable car and furnished the apartment. I secured a Canadian disability pension for her so that she had her own Finances. I talked her into buying a computer. This became a very good teaching tool. She learned to navigate the Internet and I got her on Skype so as she had contact with her father. This became her world of Facebook friends and High 5 she was able to connect with her friends in Costa Rica and music being her # one passion.
Her Father may have had issues with me but he was always very supportive and took her to Costa Rice for two months a year.
This would start her anxieties all over again. The first time he took her back it was a total trauma on his part and hers because he wanted Jess to come to Costa Rica also and he was only 3 months old at the time. He is a controller if he can’t totally control a situation he gets out of sorts and frustrated. He was driving me crazy on the phone every day repeat, repeat, repeat to make sure that I understood him and making sure that we had all the documents like passports for her and Jess and yes for “myself also.”
I had to travel with her, though half of the trip getting her and Jess through US customs and he meeting up with us, the other half of the trip back to Costa Rica through LA. What an ordeal. There have been many trips since. Over a period of 11 years. They were very stressful for her always thinking this time he will let me stay. By this time he had remarried and she was having a very tough time accepting this. To date, she does not. She calls her that person, long story short more trauma.
The next trip I finally convinced him that she has the capacity to travel on her own. And stop treating her like a total imbecile. That kind of stopped him is his tracks. And decided that maybe I was right. When Jess reached school age it was not possible for him to travel to Costa Rica because it was right in the middle of school year. It was nice for her to travel there in December because their holidays were around this time. It was summer there and winter up here, so she was able to get away from the cold which she “hated.”
Jess is now 13teen and really wants to go to Costa Rica because he was too little to remember anything about Costa Rica and is at the age that he be able to totally enjoy a trip to his native country. But it has to be in July and August. “Well” that is totally out of Meli’s world of comprehension, she would miss the festive season!. This type of relation is totally normal for a developmental person they are quite self-centered. The feeling of not being Loved and the needed to be the only one in her Fathers life or for that matter mine, making everybody around her miserable. Her reaction would be things like “you love Jessy more than me” “I hate you!” “I don’t want to see you ever again!” “get out of my life I don’t need you or anybody”, this type of disorder would carry on for months at a time.
I have taken you through a bit of Meli’s life and there is much much more. But at this point, we haven’t come to our fight with Diabetes. I just wanted you to understand the dilemma around her disorder and her perception “I don’t feel sick so why all this fuss”, fighting a disease that really is not a disease but the root of the cause. This is where I have come to understand the cause and where the cure lies. This is where the fun starts. Has Meli adapted to Canada? Somewhat, but not totally this will be on going for her and for me.